J*O*K*E*S
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Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi
hoti hai. Mummy
ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se
• Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
• In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to
tumhari aatma se
pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main
tumhari rooh ko
chahta hoon, tumhara shareer tio mein kutton ko daal
doon.
Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW
• Santa & Banta were going with their friend on one
scooter & a
traffic cop tried to stop them.
Santa said: Sorry bhaji, already 3 baithe hain bilkul
bhi jagah nahin
hai
• Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3
movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For u n ur parents
• Banta: Y do u take ur wife only to night clubs?
Santa: By the time she gets ready no other place is
open
• Museum Administrator: That's a 500 year old statue
u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
• Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade kar
auraton ko kyon
ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne
ka samay 9am-
11am
• A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khediye.
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoe paa ke hune aaya.
• Banta: I've discovered the origin of the word
Good-Bye
Santa: Oh, yeah? What's it? Banta: Many years ago,
some husband said
to his wife, 'I'm leaving u!' & the wife said: Good!
Bye!
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I
hv lst my
hand, oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don't cry. See that man. He has
lost his head.
Is he crying?
• In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
• Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole
night. He got
irritated... drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab
maroge!
• Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado
Santa aage nahin bada
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number
pe tha
• Banta: Yaar teri wife di maut da bara afsos hoya,
vaise hoya ki si?
Sant: Goli lagi si mathe vich.
Banta: Waheguru ji da shukar kar ke akh bach gayi.
• Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha.
Driver ne
sheesha set kiya. Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko
dekhkta hai,
piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!
• Santa: tainu Sunny Deol da phone no pata hai...?
Banta: Nahin, kyon ki hoya?
Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna si.
• Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says
This is all
India Radio!
• Banta: U looked troubled, what's ur prob?
Santa: I'm going to b a father
Banta: But, that's wonderful
Santa: What's wonderful! My wife doesn't know about it
yet
• O yaar hun meri kudi jawaan ho gayi hai, ki karan?
Banta: Karna ki hai, ohnu border te bhej de, saanu
jawaanan di badi
lor hai
Listing Site Updates
A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500.
The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse,hands the american $5,and goes back to sleep.
A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji.
Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?' 'Sand,' says the Sardarji.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.
'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'
The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'
Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.
One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."
"But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."
And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."
Moron: I haven't slept all nite in the train.
Friend : Why
Moron: Got upper berth.
Friend why did you not changed
Moron :Oye, there was nobody to exchange the lower birth.
Moron tells a girl "Come to my house at nite, nobody will be there.............
Girl goes at night and really nobody was there
Moron went to a BANK to open a S.B. A/C.
After seeing the Form He had gone to DELHI for filling up.
You know why
FORM say " FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".
A Moron invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered huge Loss.
Do u know what the business was?
He opened a Hair Cutting Saloon in Punjab!
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India
After every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Moron stands up- we must find that woman and stop her immediately!.
Moron-why are all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Moron-If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running
19 MoronS WENT TO SEE A FILM.
ON ASKING THEM THEY CAME IN A BIG GROUP OF 19?
THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS ONLY FOR ABOVE 18...
Moron was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!
One Moronji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
You know Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Moron jumps from 100th floor
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
At 10flr:I'm Banta not Santa
Moron found the answer to the most difficult question ever
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
Moron wins 20 Crore from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
Dealer gave 11 Crore after deducting tax.
Angry Moron: "Give me 20 Crores or else return my 20 Rs back.!
Moron proposed a Girl......
Girl said 'I'm 1 Year elder to you'...........
Moron said 'Oye No Problem Soniye,I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
Moron & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Moron says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
Moron says hot coffee Rs 5 and cold coffee Rs 10
Moron's wish :when i die,i wana die lik my grandpa
who died peacefuly in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
Flash news: A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab.
Local Morons have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
A man asked Moronji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Moronji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
Moronji was standing in front of the mirror with hiseyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing ?
He said- I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
Getting Rich Quick--From My Site!
1. SSC + HSC + BTech + MBA = UNEMPLOYMENT
2. An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.
3. onfiltered= India's Gold Medal tally since 1896
4. Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.
5. Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.
6. 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4 minute
song in Hindi movie.
7. Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own
productionfiltered= Kajol
8. Ronfiltered= Your mum's favorite serials.
9. Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR.
10. Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan - Talent = Abhishek Bachchan
11. Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan
12. 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
13. 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan
14. 1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt
15. 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
16. Software Engineer + No Work = Forwards :D
KoOoOl Jokes
following way.....
If the truth is told- the machine wont give any
sound
If a lie is told- the machine will give a sound
'KIRRRRRRRR...'
Now there are three Indians.One Bengali,one Madrasi
and one Sardarji.
Their correspondences are given infront of the lie
machine.Here it goes......
Bengali:- 'I think I can eat 30 rosogullas at a time!'
Lie machine:- 'KIRRRRRRRR...'
Bengali:-'No no, I think I can eat 10 rosogullas at a time'
Lie machine:- no sound(truth is told)
Madrasi:-'I think i can eat 25 dosas at a time'
Lie machine:- 'KIRRRRRRRR...'
Madrasi:-'No no,I think i can eat 10 dosas at a time'
Lie machine:-no sound(truth)
Sardarji:-'I think....'
Lie machine:- 'KIRRRRRRRR...'
Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:- 'KIRRRRRRRR...'.
Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:- 'KIRRRRRRRR...'
Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-' 'KIRRRRRRRR...'
Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-' 'KIRRRRRRRR...'
Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-' 'KIRRRRRRRR...'
Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-' 'KIRRRRRRRR...'
Sardarji:-'I think...'
Lie machine:-' 'KIRRRRRRRR...'
=========================
He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day".
The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on. He checks out the USA Hell as well as the Russian Hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.
Then he comes to the PAKISTANI Hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The PAKISTANI devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells so why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asks the man.
"Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the PAKISTANI devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business."
SO YOU SEE...IT PAYS TO BE A PAKISTANI!!
In class
* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
* Open the doors of the window. Let the air force come in.
* Cut an apple in two halfs- take the bigger half.
* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away outside
* Both of you three, get out of the class.
* Close the doors of the window.
* Take Copper Wire of any metal specially of Silver.
* Take 5 cm wire of any length.
About family
* I have two daughters both of them are girls
At the play ground
* All of you, stand in a straight circle.
* There is no wind in the balloon.
Punishment :
* You, rotate the ground four times
* You, go and under-stand the tree
* You three of you, stand together separately.
* Why you are late - say YES or NO